The EditoriaList: Top Ten Musical Crimes Perpetrated By Great Artists
posted in: Features
Top 5 musical crimes perpetrated by Stevie Wonder in the ’80s and ’90s. Go.
Sub-question: Is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins… is it better to burn out or fade awaaay?
“ Barry, High Fidelity (2000)
I wish they’d actually discussed this in the film, especially the latter bit. For my part, I say great artists have proven that, somewhere inside, they know better, and so should be held accountable for their sins.
Stevie makes this list, but not for I Just Called To Say I Love You. Not even for The Woman In Red…
10. “Freeway of Love” “ Aretha Franklin
The Queen of Soul abdicated her throne when, in 1985, she recorded this mechanized, synth-driven offense.
9. “Rapture” “ Blondie
One of new wave’s greatest pop-crossover bands apparently couldn’t decide between disco and rap, so they did both on this song, falsely believing that either one was a good direction.
8. “American Dream” “ Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
The combination of song and video add up to the worst thing that any of these guys have ever done, together or solo, and that’s saying something. Sorry CPR and Trans.
7. “In The Ghetto” “ Elvis Presley
A faux-folk/gospel number written by Mac Davis, In The Ghetto tells a story of cyclical poverty and crime in, you guessed it, the ghetto. At least, what Mac and Elvis, you know, imagine to be the ghetto.
6. “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” “ Rod Stewart
Disco schlock from one of the great rock singers of all time. As Greil Marcus famously wrote of Rod, ¦rarely has anyone betrayed his talent so completely.
5. “Don’t Stand So Close To Me ’86” “ The Police
As we’ve learned so painfully and obviously from George Lucas, many artists can’t be trusted with their own legacy. For reasons passing understanding, Sting and the boys decided in 1986 to re-cut their classic Don’t Stand So Close To Me with less feeling and structure, more meandering vocals, synth pads, ticking clocks (?) and a pre-programmed drum machine.
4. “Shiny Happy People” “ R.E.M.
One of the great American rock bands ever, R.E.M. has still committed several offenses over the years. Shiny Happy People, however, will go down as, ironically, their darkest, unhappiest musical moment.
3. “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” “ Aerosmith
The body snatchers who now occupy formerly gritty rockers Aerosmith called in pop succubus Diane Warren to write this piece of shit song for them. Simon Cowell called it one of the great songs of all time, which supports my hypothesis that Simon Cowell doesn’t know dick about good songs.
2. “Ebony And Ivory” “ Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder
Each of these guys kind of nosedived in the ’80s, creating some objectively terrible music, but only the combination of their confused forces could have produced Ebony and Ivory (though McCartney alone is responsible for the composition), a fluffy and simplistic effort at social commentary with super-cheesy production. It spent seven weeks at No. 1. Catchy song. Damn you, Macca!
1. “Kokomo” “ The Beach Boys
From the soundtrack to Tom Cruise’s terrible yet compelling film Cocktail comes this terrible yet terrible song from the people who had somehow earned the legal right to call themselves The Beach Boys. Also, John Stamos. Also, Mike Love definitely doesn’t know how to play the saxophone:
Beach Boys – Kokomo by jpdc11
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