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Merciless Nickleback Claims Yet Another Casualty – End To Auditory Rampage Nowhere In Sight

Music fan Kevin Beaudette, of Tupper Lake, NY, sustained minor injuries when he fell into a gorge while trying to sneak into a Nickelback concert at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center. Not out of the concert, multiple sources have verified, but into. It’s true.

Beaudette, 22, was lifted by rescue basket from the gorge, which turns out not to be a metaphor for the empty and endless emotional abyss left in one’s soul as a result of listening to Nickelback, but rather a 40-foot crevasse in the earth, from which a person can actually be retrieved. Beaudette was treated for cuts and bruises at Albany Medical Center, and released Wednesday. Authorities believe alcohol was a factor in the accident and in the life choices that led to this level of Nickelback fandom.

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