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Discourse & Dischord

The Good

Kanye’s Monster gets the Muppets treatment

Watching the Muppets rap Kanye West’s Monster is both hilarious and distressing. Count Von Count opening with Bitch I’m a monster / No good bloodsucker is entirely apropos, but then when Beaker delivers the line about the you-know-what in a sarcophagus you can almost feel your entire childhood imploding. Watch at your own risk.

Josh Groban sings Kanye’s tweets

It’s a very Kanye Friday everyone. Before you cry Enough! be sure to watch this one last clip. GRAMMY-winning singer Josh Groban put all of Mr. West’s tweets to music for a bit on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. If you thought they sounded ridiculous in cyberspace, just wait. Our favorite aria has to be I make awesome decisions in bike stores. Find out what yours is by watching the clip below.

Love is in the air ¦ so is anti-love

The celebrity musician zeitgeist got a workout this week with multiple hook-ups and break-ups. In one corner we have Kelly Pickler and Carlos Santana getting hitched (not to each other) and Selena Gomez getting with the Biebs. In the other corner, John Mellencamp announced his divorce from Elaine Irwin and Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal split. Love wins by a hair (a Bieber hair, the most powerful kind).

The Bad

Chuck Berry collapses onstage during Chicago concert

Chuck Berry

Chuck Berry collapsed onstage in Chicago on New Year’s Day as his guitar was being tuned before the show started. After being rushed off stage, the 84-year-old legend returned 15 minutes later and tried to pick up his guitar to play. A man approached Berry and escorted him back offstage. Finally Berry returned to apologize to fans for being too weak to perform. They’re afraid I’ll do my scoot, he explained. Berry’s rep later reported that the singer was suffering from exhaustion.

The Ugly

Will Oldham attacks Bill and Melinda Gates Charity Foundation

Will Oldham

Bonnie Prince Billy wasn’t so bonny in an interview with Fogged Clarity this week. The man behind the alternative folk act, Will Oldham, had a lot to say about the ulterior motives behind Mr. and Mrs. Gates charity efforts. His take on Bill Gates thought process went thusly: I want to eradicate cholera, so I can get another motherfucker to buy my computer. We’re not sure that third-world kids will be rushing to the nearest Best Buy to buy a Dell, but what do we know?

Courtney Love’s tweets lead to defamation lawsuit

Courtney Love

After Courtney Love was asked to pay up for custom clothing made for her by designer Dawn Simorangkir, the singer reacted with her characteristic grace, calling the designer a drug-pushing prostitute on her Twitter page. Now Love is being sued for defamation of character. The trial is set for February. Hope one of those bespoke garments is proper courtroom attire.

Miscellany

Discourse & Dischord

The Good

Ke$ha reveals the origin of her moniker

The dollar sign in place of an s is lame”we all know that. But guys, it isn’t Ke$ha’s fault! She used to spell her name like any other normal person named Kesha. But then, this thing happened ¦ watch the Funny Or Die clip below to see where it all went wrong.

Beatles catalog is finally available on iTunes

The long and winding road that separated EMI Group, Ltd from Apple has come to an end, meaning Beatles fans can now download the entire canon on iTunes. So what’s the most downloaded track in the three days since the songs have been available? Depends on where you are in the world. If you’re here in the US, it’s Here Comes the Sun, Let It Be and In My Life. We are a sentimental lot, we are.

The Bad

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are engaged!

True story: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are getting married! But before you dust off your DVD of Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica and crack open some champagne in celebration, you should know that they’re marrying other people this time. Nick announced his engagement to Vanessa Minnillo this week, and Jessica announced her betrothal to Eric Johnson a couple days later. AND THEN, Prince William announced his engagement to Kate Middleton. Why can’t Prince William let Jessica have her moment?!?

The Ugly

Nick Cave curses out smoke machine operator at Grinderman’s in NYC

Specifically, he said, Could you stop pouring smoke out of that f—ing machine, please? Both the smoke machine and the smoke machine operator then shrunk away to go die quietly in a corner.

Billy Corgan disses Pavement

Billy Corgan vacillates between being a beacon of lightness and a total sourpuss. Today on Twitter he channeled the latter, releasing a series of tweets bemoaning the fact that Pavement would open for Smashing Pumpkins in Brazil. ¦They represent the death of the alternative dream, and we follow with the affirmation of life part, he complained. Dude, you have a song called Drown”that’s hardly life-affirming.

Miscellany

Discourse & Dischord

The Good

Gordon Pinsent reads excerpts from Justin Bieber memoir

Get your LOLs right here, folks. First up, a memoir written by a 16-year-old. Ha! And, it’s entitled First Step 2 Forever.  The laughs don’t end there. Here’s a video of the esteemed actor Gordon Pinsent doing a dramatic reading of Justin Bieber’s riveting tome. Enjoy”we did.

Alicia Keys gives birth to Egypt

Not the country! That would be sooo 3150 BC. Alicia Keys and husband Swizz Beatz (born Kasseem Dean) welcomed a baby boy this week named Egypt Dauode Dean. May he grow up to become a very successful pharaoh.

The Bad

Glastonbury Festival shelved for 2012 due to toilet shortage

We wouldn’t wish more port-a-potties on anyone, but this does give us pause. England’s Glastonbury Festival has been canceled for 2012 due to the Olympics taking place in London that same year ¦ and the ensuing toilet shortage. Athletes are such loo-sers.

Kanye’s album cover art banned? He wishes.

Kanye West is a legend in his own mind. But he may also be a victim in his own mind as well. The rapper griped on his Twitter page that Wal-mart had censored the cover art for his upcoming album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Tweeted the rapper: So Nirvana can have a naked human being on they [sic] cover but I can’t have a PAINTING of a monster with no arms and a polka dot tail and wings. Oh the injustice! Is it too much to ask for a man to be left in peace with his armless polka dot monster? IS SOCIETY SO INTOLERANT”what’s that? Wal-mart didn’t censor the cover? Oh. Uh, never mind. As you were.

The Ugly

Cantankerous singer pegs bottle at Mumford and Sons

Mark E. Smith of the band The Falls was getting ready for his set at a Dublin music festival when a terrible caterwauling struck his ears. Next door, the hugely successful English folk band, Mumford and Sons, was warming up. I just thought they were a load of retarded Irish folk singers, Smith explains. So, understandably, he threw a bottle at them to encourage them to silence their plaintive yawping. The bottle fell short of its target and Mumford and Sons went on to sell one trillion records.

Miscellany

Discourse & Dischord

The Good

T.I. helps talk down jumper in Atlanta

T.I.

T.I.’s getting a head start on the community service he may face for his parole violation last month. The rapper helped police talk down a suicidal jumper from a 22-story high rise in Atlanta on Monday afternoon, arriving on the scene after hearing about the incident on the radio. Using his gift of persuasion (and rhyming?), the rapper was able to coax the man down, who was then taken to the hospital. Moral of the story: Great things can happen when you put down the sizzurp.

American Music Awards nominations announced

Eminem

Slim Shady is poised come home with more trophies than Lady Gaga at this year’s AMAs. Eminem is nominated for five awards along with country act Lady Antebellum. Lady Gaga will have to make do with her Artist of the Year and Best Female Artist nominations. And we will have to make do with our nomination for nothing.

Help determine who will be the winner by casting your vote here:

The Bad

Adam Lambert’s Malaysian concert protested

Adam Lambert

He kissed a boy, and he liked it ¦ but Malaysia didn’t. Pop star Adam Lambert has been asked to alter the content of his upcoming performance in Malaysia amid protests from the Pan Malaysian Islamic Party (PAS), who claimed the show promotes a gay lifestyle. Lambert responded to that claim via Twitter, saying, Does my show ˜promote the gay lifestyle’? It promotes living ANY lifestyle that includes the freedom to seek love and intimacy. Gay, straight, bi, young or old. It’s all inclusive. That said, Lambert promised to put his lips on lockdown for the show.

The Ugly

Die Antwoord versus Bristol Palin

In one corner we have South African freak rappers Die Antwoord and their new video for Evil Boy. In the other, Bristol Palin in a video by Alaskan hard rock group Static Cycle. What’s creepier”an albino girl in a cloak of rats, or Bristol Palin dressed like a Russian pretending to be Mother Nature? You tell us.

Miscellany