The Melophobic: Grease-ballin'
posted in: Features
There are two kinds of rock stars: those who style their hair to look like they just rolled out of bed and those who just rolled out of bed. Either way, both kinds of rock stars often face the same burdens that arise during a tour. Whether it be a lack of personal hygiene, over-indulging in previous nights festivities, or inadequate cleansing facilities, grease-ballin’ has been a problem for artists for many years and probably will continue to be an issues long into the future.
How do you know if it’s out of hand? Say an artist has a meet and greet before the show, and fans (generally little girls) flock to the artist and no matter his ruffled appearance. If the artist’s smell (or grease) is offensive enough to turn these adoring fans away, they’ve got some issues to deal with.
You may ask yourself, “How do I know if I have a grease ball problem?” To help you sort out this issue, I’ve created something I like to call “Stank Factor.” The higher the stank, the higher the number. Which of the following best describes you:
- I forget to shower.
- I rub my belly on the disgusting stage trying to swim… while on land (or a similar dance move).
- I get clean by the hands of the pit at the front of audience.
- I haven’t had a drink since last night but the stage hand asked if I just did a keg stand.
- I look forward to the day it rains during an outdoor show so we can all get wet together.
- I roll around in the parking-lot with my buddy’s to get amped up for the show.
- I always lose the bet and have to eat the grossest food at the rest stop.
- I didn’t wash my hair after I went bobbing for apples.. in beer.
- I smell worse than a goose.
- I shower in my sweat.
Get the picture? Good. Now hit the shower, grease ball.