Festivus: Your Festival Survival Guide

posted in: Features

Tuesday marks the beginning of June, and in my mind the official beginning of summer, so it’s time to start the ever-important preparations for festival season. We’ve been talking and talking about everything from ticket prices to scheduling conflicts, and now we’re getting down to the real deal. This is the stuff you really need to know when you’re up close and personal with thousands of fans, hundreds of your favorite bands, inclement weather and multiple days of….gasp…port-a-potties.

One of the most important things to anticipate when prepping for a festival is smart packing. Chances are, once you’re in, you’re not leaving. At least not for a couple of days. So lots of stuff needs to be packed into small spaces. Storage pods for the roof of your car are ideal. You can shove sleeping bags, tents, pillows, anything light (and preferably waterproof) can be stashed on top. Just make sure its not something you’re going to need during the drive or in the long wait to get into the campgrounds.

Picking and choosing what should stay and what should go can be overwhelming, so here’s a few key necessities. Trash bags, water (gallons, not bottles) wet wipes and anti-septic wipes should all be brought in bulk. Obviously, you’ll use trash bags to sit on, keep things dry and carry your trash away in.  And staying hydrated is one of the most important things to remember at a festival, especially if you’re boozing. While there’s generally great amounts of qualified EMT’s on site, being out of commission for a day from dehydration is a total bummer. Wet wipes and anti-septic wipes can take the sting off of severely neglected hygiene, but you’re going to need to check your pretenses at the door. This isn’t Vegas.

Things that you DON’T need in bulk: clothes. Yes, I said it. They take up space and you’re not going to wear even close to the amount of clothes you would on a 3 or 4 day vacation. A bathing suit, clean socks, and one or 2 changes of loose light clothing is all you need. And a poncho. Always a poncho. Leave the valuables at home, too. Unless you work for Rolling Stone (or OurStage, wink wink) you don’t need to bring your $3,000 MacBook Pro. You’ll only regret it.

So you’ve arrived! It’s time to set up. Circle your wagons and get to work. Hopefully you’ve remembered hammers (for driving in tent stakes), tarps (to ensure a dry ground under your tent) and rope (because you just always need it). Get to know your surroundings and your neighbors. Find out where the closest port-a-potties are, locate the closest access path, figure out which neighbors have extra lighter fluid and ice, you get the idea. Designate meeting places throughout the grounds and by each stage. This will make splitting up for different shows way less stressful.

And now some final tid-bits of advice from my own festival experiences.

1. Leave the hard liquor at home. The first festival I ever went to, my friends and I bought multiple bottles of vodka (in plastic bottles) and only one case of beer. MISTAKE. Pacing yourself is crucial, and almost impossible with liquor. I’m pretty sure we still have those bottles of Platinum Vodka lying around somewhere. Classy, I know.

2. Get ready to (not) eat like a king. Granola bars, cereal, burgers, all things you would think of while camping. Not me. Last year at Bonnaroo, we ate about 17 grilled cheeses a day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Bread and cheese is cheap, quick and filling, soaks up the booze and gives you calories to last all day” a trick my friend Sue learned while following Phish around the country. And while I joked that I would never eat another grilled cheese again, they probably saved my life on more than one occasion.

3. Carry toilet paper in a plastic baggy. In preparing to set out for the day, I always throw some TP in a little zip-loc bag. Call me a prima donna, but a little goes a long way when you’re not showering for days.

4. Don’t pad-lock your tent. You’re not bringing anything valuable, remember? And nothing makes you an easier target, never mind a fool, then zippered tarps secured with steel. And people will have bolt-cutters.

5. Trust your friends. Both to take care of you and to take care of themselves. At one festival, a friend got overheated and passed out in the middle of the crowd. We dragged her out, fed her grilled cheeses and water, and soon she was good to go. The next night another friend went to the wrong meeting place, fell asleep and went missing for a few hours. He finally showed up at the campsite at 6 in the morning wrapped in a blanket happy as a clam. ( It’s just something he does.) Both of these scenarios will undoubtedly happen to you in your festival career. Stay calm and know your fellow campers.

So there they are, the bare basics of festival life. Have fun and be safe out there. Maybe I’ll see you around!