That Song's About Sex?!

posted in: Music News • Pop

After Lady Gaga‘s lackluster “Edge of Glory” music video, it was nice to see Mother Monster returning to truly WTF-inducing form on the video for “You and I.” Two words: Mermaid. Sex. Gags kindly explained to MTV just how, exactly, a mermaid would have sex with a human, saying, “Well, that’s actually part of what the metaphor is”you can’t… No matter what you do, there’s this giant boundary between you and someone else. So that’s what it’s about, perceiving in your imagination that there’s something magical inside of you that you can make it work.”

Okay, sure, that sounds like a plausible explanation. And as an added bonus, it got us thinking about the sexual metaphors in some of our favorite songs. So if you’re looking for tunes with sexy references that are less obscure than mermaid intercourse but slightly subtler than “Let’s Get It On”, we’re here to help.

The Cure “ “Close to Me”

Having been a fan of the Cure since age ten, it’s a little weird to listen to “Close to Me” as an adult and realize that it’s totally about a guy losing his virginity. And he’s nervous about it, too! “I’ve waited hours for this/I’ve made myself so sick/I wish I’d stayed asleep today.” If you’re not convinced, just wait until Robert Smith sings, “I pull my eyes out /Hold my breath /And wait until I shake.” Yeah, you get the picture.

Dinah Washington “ “Long John’s Blues”

We never thought of dentists as being particularly sexy. And Dinah Washington’s 1948 track “Long John’s Blues” isn’t really doing anything to change that. With cringe-inducing lyrics like I went to Long John’s office, and told him the pain was killin’ / he told me not to worry, that my cavity just needed fillin’,” we’re not so much turned on by dentistry as we are creeped out by it. A little tip, ladies: if your man needs to give you “Novocaine” before “drilling,” something is not quite right.

Billy Idol “ “Dancing With Myself”

Think the producers of Glee had any idea that Idol’s ’80s gem might not be about dancing but instead masturbation when they had the cast perform it? Fans and critics argue all the time about whether the song is, in fact, about masturbating or just an ode to the outcasts, but considering that “dancing with myself” has become yet another euphemism for, um, spanking the monkey, we’re including it in the list. Sorry, Billy.

Bo Carter “ “Banana in Your Fruit Basket”

On second thought… you probably don’t need us to explain this one.