Backtracking Forward: Special DJ Clearance

posted in: Features

Traveling by plane with equipment and gear can be a stressful and expensive task for many musicians. With luggage surcharges, unwieldy and heavy cases and the fear of lost or damaged goods looming over one’s head, embarking on a tour may seem like one giant headache. With a little luck and a whole lot of smooth talking though, a situation can turn from bad to outstanding in a matter of seconds.

The city of Berlin, Germany” which I called home for seven months in 2006” is overflowing with used and vintage vinyl records. Crammed into various corners of the expansive city, jazz, funk, soul, punk, reggae, ska and disco LPs coexist alongside Oompah, schlager, and polka discs. Back then, I would wake up in my Kreuzberg apartment, buy a coffee and take a walk down the street to check in with all the Turkish-owned antique/junk shops to peruse their most recent acquisitions. By the end of my stay, I had accumulated a heavy stack of wax that I had to figure out how to transport home. Since shipping them by mail was too expensive, I decided to take my chances by smuggling as much vinyl onto the plane as possible and hoping not be charged or, even worse, denied access. What ended up occurring that morning was something I could never have anticipated in a million years.

I arrived for my flight at Berlin-Tegel Airport around 7:00 AM, eyes tired and groggy as I carried two heaping suitcases, multiple shoulder bags and satchels stuffed with vinyl. I could not possibly abandon any of these records so, with high hopes, I shuffled to the ticket counter when my turn came. After a few minutes of technicalities, passport inspection and identity confirmation, the airline employee inspected my luggage. He took one look at my WFMU messenger satchel, loaded with about 60 LPs, and automatically gave me the negative:

I’m sorry but I can tell you right now that along with your other carry-on, this bag is over the weight limit and you can not bring it on board. The flight is completely booked he said.

The reality of the situation began to sink in. He had not even seen the other shoulder bags stuffed with 100 more records”my two suitcases filled with clothes and more vinyl would easily tip the scales. He said that if I checked my records as luggage, I would be OK. In my head, I saw an image of an airline worker heaving my bag of delicate records into a luggage compartment stuffed with 75 lb suitcases. I could easily picture the cracks working their way down the middle of each disc. I immediately dismissed this idea.

Well, I am sorry. These records can not come on board as a carry-on, he proclaimed.

I began sweating a bit profusely. Nervous and worried about the end result of this encounter, I acted on an impulsive idea that would prove to be one of my most shining moments. With nothing to lose, I turned to the ticket counter employee and stated,

Listen, I am a DJ and I am flying back to New York City for a gig. I am headlining a show tonight that has been booked for 6 months and the tickets are sold out. What I am going to do when I show up to my gig without my vinyl? How can a DJ perform without his records? What am I going to tell the promoter? I’ve already been paid!!! I am sorry but there is no way around this. These records have to come on board with me and that’s it!

I have never been this bold, forward and forceful with a stranger before, not to mention so completely dishonest. I even pounded my fist a few times on the counter for emphasis. A moment of silence ensued that felt like an hour. The sweat began to soak the back of my t-shirt as I anticipated his response.

Let me get my supervisor, Tosten, he stated.

Tosten was your stereotypical supervisor who just oozed authority. He was very tall and sported a buzz cut and a crisp uniform” the type of guy you did not want to piss off. The employee gave the low down of the situation as Tosten occasionally glanced over at the records and me. After a minute, he said,

Nein, deine Schallplatten sind zu schwerlich und du hast zu viel für dieses Flug.

Translation: No, your records are too heavy and you have too many for this flight.

The cockiness and attitude I miraculously exhibited only minutes before diminished into obscurity. I would not pass Go, not collect my 200 dollars and be forced to abandon my vinyl in this airport. Just when I was about to concede and begin the tearful parting with my German platters, the counter employee spoke up and said,

Listen Tosten, he is a DJ and he is trying to get back to NYC with his vinyl. He’s performing at a sold out show and its tonight! Can’t we give him like Special DJ Clearance or something??

He seemed to be half-joking when he uttered the idea but as those magic words rolled out of his mouth, a smile cracked on my troubled face. Special DJ Clearance? I silently mouthed. Inconceivable! Never in the course of human history has someone been granted Special DJ Clearance in this nature. Big names like DJ Shadow and Q-Tip have probably been provided with all sorts of privileges traveling to performances around the world with gear and records in tow but most likely had to pay handsomely for those luxuries. What happened to me next though was a once-in-a-lifetime miracle.

OK, you have Special DJ Clearance here in this airport. If anyone gives you a problem, you just tell them Tosten said OK, proclaimed the supervisor with the most serious expression. He didn’t even crack the slightest of grins on his tight-lipped face.

Back at the counter, they took my luggage (they did not even weigh my suitcases, which were both stuffed with vinyl surrounded by clothing, due to my special clearance), printed my boarding pass and wished me good luck at the show. As I boarded the plane and began the flight home, I couldn’t help but chuckle thinking about one of the most outrageous moments in my career as a vinyl digger.

My Special DJ Clearance access died the same day it was born back in July of 2006. Never in a million years would I be able to pull a stunt like that again. In the future, if you find your gear or platters tipping the scales at Berlin-Tegel Airport just ask for Tosten. You might get special clearance beyond your wildest dreams.

Keep Digging!
-Gregorious-